Outrageously Tasteless Jokes
by NeverSmile
Summary: Tala found a joke book under Kai's carpet. He shares the lame jokes with Kai and Ian and they all agree to find the owner of the joke book. Who owns the joke book? You take the pick.
1. Chapter 1

My friend found this book on the road called 'Outrageously tasteless jokes' which is labelled 'adults only' (We ignored the warning anyway). I decided to write a fic with the jokes in it!

Warnings:

These are sick jokes and bad language are used, I advise mature people to read.

If there are any jokes that offends anyone, stop reading.

The jokes do not belong to me, but to Blanche Knott.

I do not own beyblade characters (But I wish).

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**Outrageously Tasteless Jokes**

Tala Yuriy Ivanov, one of the world's number one bladers, is now absolutely booored to death. There was nothing to do; Bryan and Spencer are off on a 'special beyblade training program' leaving him and Kai to baby-sit Ian. Boredom got the best of him so Tala decided to explore Kai's mansion. As he walked down the hall way of Kai's house, he caught a flash of yellow under the blood crimson carpet. It looked like as if someone was trying to hide something. Curiously, Tala lifted the carpet up and found a small yellow book. How on Earth did a yellow book end up under Kai's carpet, Tala have no idea. 'Outrageously tasteless jokes' was labelled across the old wrinkled book; there was nothing else better to do so Tala opened the first page of the book.

'_What goes black-pink-black-pink-black-pink?_

_ A black jerking off.'_

…Tala now knows why this book was called this name; he walks to the living room to find Ian sitting on the sofa with his new PSP.

"Hey Tala, what ya got in your hand?"

"An 'Outrageously tasteless jokes' book,"

"Alright, read a joke to me."

Tala randomly flipped to a page and found a joke in a story formation; he said the joke out loud.

'_A retired schoolteacher finally realized she was tired of living alone and wanted some companionship, so after a good deal of thought she decided to visit the local pet shop. The owner suggested a parrot, with which she could conduct a civilized conversation. This seemed like an excellent idea, so she bought a handsome parrot, sat him on a perch in her living room, and said, 'say "pretty boy".' Silence from the bird. 'Come on, now say "pretty boy…Pretty boy".' _

_At long last, disgustedly, the bird said, 'Oh, shit.'_

_Shocked, the schoolteacher said, 'Just for that, you get five minutes in the refrigerator.' Five minutes later the she put the shivering bird back on it's perch and said, 'Now let's hear it: "Pretty boy…Pretty boy".'_

'_Lay off, would you!' said the parrot. Outraged, the woman grabbed the bird and said,_

'_That's it! Ten minutes in the freezer,' and slammed the door at him. Hopping about to keep warm, the parrot came across a frozen turkey waiting for Christmas. Startled, he squawks, 'Oh my, you must have told the bitch to go fuck herself!'_

Both of the boys went silent when after Tala finished reading out the joke.

"…Dude, that was seriously tasteless. Where the hell did you found that thing?"

"Under Kai's red carpet,"

"…Why was it under there?"

"How should I know? You go and ask the Ice King himself."

"Ask me what?"

The two bladers screamed and jumped at lest a foot high above the ground. Standing right behind them was none other than Kai Hiwatari, with his hands blocking his ears.

"…Don't scream like that,your screamsnearly killed me!"

"Nearly Killed _you_! NEARLY KILLED _YOU_! What about us! You nearly gave us a heart attack!" screamed the red head.

"Stop screaming! Anyways, what did you wanted to ask me about?"

"Why was there a tasteless joke book hiding under your carpet?" Ian pointed at the small yellow book held in Tala's hands.

"A tasteless joke book? I never heard of such thing, it's not mine."

"Then who is it?" asked the red head, "This joke book is seriously lame."

"Now is it? Read one out to me."

Tala flipped through to another random page and said a random joke out loud.

'_A man steps into this little backwoods restaurant for lunch, and after finishing his meal he inquires the way to the men's room. Told that it's around the back of the building he heads through the back door, finds the bathroom, and takes a shit, only to discover there's no toilet paper. But there is a sign on the wall that reads: "WIPE YOURSELF WITH YOUR FINGER, THEN INSERT FINGER INTO THIS HOLE, AND YOUR FINGER WILL BE CLEANED WITH GREAT ATTENTION." So the man wipes up and sticks his finger through the hole. On the other side is standing a little boy holding a brick in either hand, who claps them together at the sight of the finger poking through. The guy screams in pain, yanks his hand back, and starts sucking his finger.'_

"…….." the whole room became silence once again, each feeling sick in the inside.

"…that was disgusting," commented Kai, who now has a very pale expression.

"I know, but who would even want to own this book?" Ian has a green look on his face as he spoke.

"Well, someone in this house owns this book. No one else but Kai and the Blitzkrieg boys live here." Tala flipped through more of the pages to see if he could find a name or sign, but with no luck he couldn't find any.

"My guess is on either Spencer or Bryan,"

"What makes you think it's either of them shrimp?"

"Well Mr. Almighty, none of us owns this book now do we?"

"He has a good point Kai; they are away from the house. It's either one of them that hid this hideous book."

"Yes, good point but which one?"

"Hm…"

Everyone went to their thinking positions. Ian has his eyes shut real tight with his nose up in the air, arms crossed. Tala has his hands on his hips, eyes closed and standing in a slit angle. Kai, well he does his usual pose.

Ian thought up an idea,

"I know! We'll try and think of a way to make one of them confess to us!"

"Not a bad idea shrimp,"

"You can count me in,"

"Alright guys, here's the plan…"

**TBC

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**

So do you guys like it? The jokes are really sick and lame ay? Well, you guys can take the pick wither Spencer or Bryan are the owners of the joke book. Other characters are allowed to be suggested as well. 


	2. Chapter 2

More Sick and Lames Jokes!

Warning: See chapter one for warning.

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Bryan and Spencer came back home around 2.30pm, feeling very tired from the 'special beyblade training program'. They both went straight to the kitchen to have a bite. Bryan opens the fridge to get the left over pizzas while Spencer makes coffee (They didn't have their coffee in the morning XP). They both sat around a table and started munching away. At this very moment Ian came invading into the room, with an evil grin planted on his face.

"Hey guys, back from your so called 'special training' ay?"

"Go away short thing, I'm not in the mood."

Ian ignored Bryan's warning anyway, plan one is about to begin. Before the two amigos came home, Kai, Tala and Ian all looked through the joke book and memorised some jokes. The plan is to tell the jokes to Bryan and Spencer and see who has the most suspicious reaction.

"Hey guys, _'what's grosser than gross?'_"

Bryan stopped chewing on his pizza and froze, looking pale as if he saw a ghost.

Spencer held his cup of coffee in mid air, shock wrote all over his face.

On the other side of the room, Kai and Tala are looking at the screen TV watching the scene taking place. Every single room in the mansion was installed with a security camera; secretly watching the two suspects is a breeze.

"Well, do you know the answer? Let me tell you, it's..."

"Don't say another word!"

"'_Two vampires fighting over a used tampon.'_"

Spencer's attempt to stop the shrimp failed, his face starts turning green. Bryan was no better; his face looked as if he's going to puke out his lunch.

* * *

(On the other side of the room)

"Both suspects look very suspicious don't they Kai?"

"Yes, it's hard too tell. They both reacted as if they know what the answer to the joke is. Hmmm, very suspicious…call the shrimp back"

"Roger that, (Takes out a communicator) Earth to short shrimp, do you read me? Earth to short shrimp."

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(Back in the Kitchen)

Ian's communicator started buzzing, signalling him to leave the room.

"Gotta go guys, nature calls," he dashed out of the kitchen and got out his communicator.

"Earth to short shrimp, do you read me? Earth to short shrimp."

"I hear you loud and clear Tala, YOU SON OF A BITCH! STOP CALLING ME THAT STUPID NICKNAME!"

On the other side of the communicator Tala held his away from his ear as far as possible.

"Ok ok, now listen, Kai wants you back at our hide out to discuss plan B."

"Alright, roger that Pretty Boy."

"DON'T YOU EVER CALL ME THAT NAME AGAIN!"

"THAT WAS PAYBACK!"

(Communication off)

* * *

(With Bryan and Spencer)

While recovering from the little incident, the two Blitzkrieg Boys decided to skip lunch and went to the living room. Both have nervous expressions slapped on to their faces, as if worrying about a secret being spilt. A red head came into the room breaking the silence, looking rather uncomfortable himself.

Xx Flash Back xX

"Ok, here's plan B. Tala, you go up to them and say this joke out loud. The first person that stops you from finishing the joke is the one that owns this book."

"Kai, why me and not you?"

"Because I said so, NOW GET A MOVE ON!"

Xx End Flash Back xX

"Hey Bry, hey Spence, wanna hear a joke?"

Heads shot up quickly, with big round eyes starring at the boy in front of them.

"Well here it goes:

'_One day a man was sunbathing on a nude beach when he noticed a little girl staring down at him, so he put a newspaper over his private parts. The girl asked him what that was, and he explained that it was his bird and that he kept it under there so it wouldn't fly away. He fell asleep, and when he woke up he found himself in a hospital room._

"_What happened?" he asked._

_The little girl stepped in and said, "While you were sleeping I wanted to play with your bird. But it spat at me, so I broke its neck, crushed its eggs, and set its nest on fire."'_

Tala managed tofinish the joke without any interruption; he looked at the other two boys in the room to find them both very pale and speech less. None of them look like they're going to admit anything. Looks like there's going to be a plan C after all…

**TBC

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**

Please keep on voting, I still need and owner for the joke book. Leave a review please XD. 


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